When I reflect on my upbringing, I feel as though I had blinders on most of the time.  Brought up in church, Christianity was seemingly all around me but it didn’t resonate within me, didn’t capture me.  Being one of the most dedicated in my youth group, I really enjoyed going on every youth trip and helping the people we were there to help.  Good deeds and good behavior made me feel good inside and safe.  I didn’t have strong inquiries about this faith which surrounded me and so I never asked much about it.  Spiritual guidance and discussion as well as reading the Bible were absent from my life.  It just never crossed my mind to pray or read the scriptures and no one encouraged me to do so.  As I approached my high school graduation, I began having questions about who God was and how to know if he was truly real.  That doubt took up residence in my heart.

Upon entering college, I was invited to attend campus ministry meetings with my friends.  I always enjoyed being with Christians (because I assumed I was one) so this was fun for me.  Only I began to hear others talking more personally about Jesus in their lives than I could.  Two women on staff with this campus ministry asked me to get a coke and hear more about the ministry.  I said yes and as a result heard the gospel in a clear presentation for the first time in my life.  They were instrumental in showing me the truth from the Bible, that God loved me and had a plan for my life.  That man was imperfect and therefore living separated from God.  And that God sent his son Jesus to pay the penalty for my imperfections so that I could enter Heaven if I placed my trust in Him.   I was defiant and confused, however, because I realized that I had not surrendered my heart to the Lord, trusting in Him alone for salvation, and honestly I wasn’t sure I
needed to do what they proposed.  I was such a duty bound person with a resume of good deeds, confirmed in the church and baptized, and always around believers.  Yet I knew in my heart that I had no certainty of eternal life.  The doubt was still there.

Three months later I attended the campus ministry’s winter conference in Dallas, TX.  That week was life-transforming and God grabbed hold of my heart with powerful messages of truth.  I was drawn to the beauty of Jesus and the overall compassion of the gospel message.   I could understand that Jesus was the Messiah sent for us, but that we had a choice to make.  I wanted assurance of eternal life and a clear relationship with God, but the humility to admit that was difficult.  Finally at the very end of the week, I asked my roommates to explain what it meant to be “saved”.  They explained the gospel message once again to me and asked if I wanted to pray to receive Christ as my Lord and Savior…my heart melted and I said yes, through my tears.  Humility can be so hard to embrace but it brought me to my Savior that day.

My life is different in many ways today but the most obvious one for me is the assurance of eternal life.  I believe with all my heart that Jesus Christ came to seek and save the lost by becoming the solution to man’s sin problem.  I live my life in surrender to the authority of the Bible and try to do things that will show God I love Him!  I want spiritual discussions and bible study in my home and an openness to talk about anything with my kids.  I’m so thankful for God’s patience for me and I hope this story of mine has encouraged you today!  God is good and cares for us all.

Stephanie Goodspeed

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