God’s Change

By

Delphina Banks-Jones

As I stood pushing my son on the swing set, looking upward at the blue morning sky, I asked God, “Why me?”

Then I heard a reply, a cry from heaven, “It’s you!”

“Lord, it’s me?”  My mind was racing as I accepted the fact. There were no more excuses.  The problem wasn’t with everybody else.  The problem was with me. As I contemplated this, only then did I truly accept the call from God to change.

For years I was on my own path.  Going through life, planning it my way, I never consulted the Lord on any decision. I graduated from college and married with the intention of living life happily ever after. I had my plan, but my dream wasn’t working out.  Actually, it didn’t work out at all.

Who could have predicted that my husband would become hooked on cocaine, turning our lives upside down with his addiction? I sought help for him, securing placement in one rehab facility after another. Only to have him choose the drugs again when he came out. Why is he doing this? Doesn’t he care about his family? Why does he take all our money Lord?  How do I pay our bills now? There were so many questions.

With no relief in sight, I consulted my local pastor in California. His clear words hit me like a rock.   “Even though you’re financially devastated, your children need their Dad.  What part of ‘in sickness and in health’ didn’t you understand?  You can’t divorce.” I couldn’t believe it . . .

“My God, my God, please help me!”

Life continued on in sadness, and we struggled.  I found comfort in reading God’s word daily.  I went to church whenever I could find an open church door. Keeping God’s word in my ears and deep within my heart, I pleaded with Him to help me, but there was no answer.

“My God, my God, have you forsaken me?
I’m determined to follow your will, but give me a sign.
Am I on the right path?”

A year passed, then another six months, and still no answer.  I cooked my husband’s meals, cared for his children, went to church daily. But I had changed. I was choosing to follow the Lord’s will, and I was no longer the same.

One night an adulterous “storm” barreled through my door, bringing pain and humiliation, pushing with all its might.  I was following God, and still I had to face my husband’s infidelity. I prayed and fasted.  This time the decision wasn’t going to be mine; it was going to be my Lord’s.

“Is this my way out? Lord, can I leave him now?”

I stepped out on faith and prayed daily. If I was going to make it in life, I needed a job.   No resume was submitted, just a prayer to my Lord.  On the other end of my prayer was a woman I met years before, asking if I was ready to go back to work. I started the job a week later.  It was even close to home so I could be there for the kids.   “Okay, Father, you have heard me!  Thank you!” I prayed.

Within a few months my husband chose to leave home, and I was on my own with three kids, the youngest being two.  “God what should I do with my marriage?”

God answered, “Your husband will make the decision.  Wait.”

I ate God’s word daily so I would not seek vengeance. I continued to choose to wait on my Lord. As God promised, the answer came from my husband six months later.  He told me, “I know what I’m doing is wrong by God.  But it’s right by me.”    It was the release I needed, and we divorced soon after.

“I’m here Lord.  I’m yours Lord.
And I will never look back.”

Satan may have grabbed my husband and tossed him into the world, but I will not allow him to take my home. My house is built on the foundation of God’s word.  I stepped out on faith reading daily 1 Corinthians 7:13-15.

And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him.  For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you ^{to live in peace.)}

^{Life is now good and my kids are great. My heart is open and I can do nothing less than PRAISE HIM. God took the time to call my name and to redirect my path. My heart is open to His will because I have CHANGED. God saved me from the decision that I made outside of Him.}

^{God saved me from me.}

^{Psalm 150:4: Praise him with the tambourine and dancing;
Praise him with strings and flutes!}

^{The Lord and I have been standing together for a long while. There is no looking back for me.  My Mother told me years ago, “If you walk this path with the Lord, you may crawl for a while but eventually you and God will stand strong. She was right and I will praise Him with my song, I will praise Him with the dance. I will sing of His praises all the day long beating my tambourine all the way to heaven. You see I have to get there.  My Daddy is waiting for me.}

^{Exodus 15:20: Then Miriam the prophet, Aaron’s sister, took a tambourine and led all the women as they played their tambourines and danced.}

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