The Promise Keeper

Salvation Testimony of Nina Braxton

“Get up…it’s time for church!” was not an unusual command growing up in my home.  We spent more time in a church pew than at home.  In retrospect, I can see how not having a balance of family time, work and church contributed to some of my issues, but we’ll get to that later.

I grew up in a Baptist home and got saved at a very young age.  The fear of hell and eternal damnation was the motivation to “confess Jesus as Lord” as early as possible. Instead of emphasizing the need for a relationship with a loving Father and His desire for this, we were constantly made aware of the horrific realities of a burning hell and the consequences for mistakes and spiritual immaturity.

At a young age my ideas and views of God centered on making sure I didn’t make God mad by committing any kind of sin, in thought or in deed.  I saw Him as an overbearing legalistic parent.  If I followed all the “rules” He smiled upon me, but much suffering came as a result of stepping out of line in even the smallest way.  Forgiveness was, of course, available but dealing with the guilt or shame was unbearably painful for me.  The voices in my head were consistently accusatory, condescending and negative. Sadly, I “recognized” this as the voice of God.  Consequently, I spent much of my childhood and young adult life suffering.  Fear, self-loathing, depression and isolation were my companions.

I rarely felt genuinely happy.

Thankfully, God’s grace is so wonderful.  His plans and provisions are unsurpassed.  Thankfully, I had a praying mother.  She didn’t always understand what I frequently dealt with, but she prayed for me and forced her way into my self-imposed isolation. She never left me on my own but tried to get me to realize God loved me no matter what I said or did. His blood was always available…cleansing me, healing my emotions and covering every sin and shortcoming.

I spent some time away from God, as many of us do, but my life is a testament to Proverbs 22:6 which says to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  I didn’t spend my nights partying or experimenting with drugs, but I walked a sinful path of fornication and rebellion.

I found that even though I tried to run from God, He was not going to let go of me.   Thus began the journey of learning to actually trust Him with my life.  As a result, I rededicated my life to the Lord after my second year in college.

I soon found that Satan doesn’t give up easily.  I finished college, married my husband, and immediately had my first child.  The early years of our life together were tumultuous to say the least. Satan attacked me with much depression and anxiety during the course of our marriage.  I always felt guilty and condemned about decisions I wanted to make and thoughts that I would have. My mind bordered on nervous breakdown.

I suffered from constant fear that had no cause.

I thought I was going to lose my mind and the fear of being committed to a mental institution caused even more stress.  I had children to take care of and a husband with his own issues.  He wanted to help but had no clue where to begin.  I saw physicians and therapists who kept telling me nothing was physically wrong with me, but offered to give me plenty of medication and send me home.  I endured many dark, tormenting days and nights.  I was suicidal and paranoid.  It was hell for me and I grew desperate.

I cried out to the One who had the answers for my pain.

It was not an overnight miracle that I experienced, but a miracle nonetheless.  I began to search the Scriptures for words that pertained to my blood bought right to peace and healing.  I listened to CDs and read books on the battlefield of our minds and how to win that battle.  I began to speak to the devil and all of his tormenting imps with the authority of Jesus Christ and command them to release their hold on me.

After 6 years of meditating and speaking His word over my life and mind, declaring Isaiah 54:4, that by His stripes I was totally healed both mentally and physically, I finally started seeing the light in each morning and the colors of the flowers outside my door. I began to feel genuine peace and laugh a little more each day.  I began to finally see the healing of my mind as a result of trusting in what Jesus promised me.

There is nothing like experiencing the reality of a loving God.

He showed me, in no uncertain terms, that He was God. He keeps His promises to those He loves but we must believe His word and stand firmly upon it.  There is no doubt in my healed mind today that He loves me and is ALWAYS smiling upon me no matter what I do or say.  He is renewing me and molding me into the image of His Son more each day. Today I can boldly declare as Isaiah does in chapter 54:17, that no weapon that is formed against me shall or ever will prosper, and every tongue that rises against me in judgment shall be condemned!  This is my heritage.  My righteousness comes from the Lord, not from what I think or how I feel.  I am His and nothing can ever separate me from His undying love.  Praise be to God forevermore!

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