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“Thou art a God that seeth me.” Genesis 3:16

I recently had to force myself to go the doctor. I hate going to the doctor. Loathe it. Despise it. Dread it. Postpone it. Did I say HATE it??? But I had to go. There were 3 little ones in Guyana that needed for me to ‘get checked out’…. for their sake. I had to force myself to do the unthinkable…I had to make an appointment and this time….follow-thru. I had cancelled numerous times in the past. But this time was different. This time there was a greater purpose than my own fear. There were 3 sets of milk chocolate eyes staring at me across the Atlantic. I could feel their glare. I could sense their urgency. I could not sleep as their eyes kept me mindful of a greater good… one that clarified my distorted view of stethoscopes and needles. I sacrificed my phobia for their American citizenship. Their gaze made me mindful of their need. His gaze made my wobbly-knees steady. He sees me; and I am able to move my paralytic fear and wrestle demons under His watchful eye.

For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers… 1 Peter 3:12

Hagar was Sarah’s beloved handmaid…until Sarah used Hagar as a means to expedite God’s plan for her family. Sarah began to loathe Hagar and treat her unkindly. Hagar (an Arab idol worshiper) could not take the shame and oppression so she fled into the wilderness. As she stood beside a spring in that desolate lonely place an Angel of the Lord visited her. He comforted her broken heart and assured her that God Himself was quite aware of the situation. Hagar responded, “You Are the God Who Sees.” Hagar found comfort in her distress that God saw every little detail. God did not remove her burden He made Hagar aware of His gaze. He changed Hagar’s trembling idol worshipping heart. She returned to bear out the consequences in faith (not in an idol); but in the sight of El Roi: The-God-That-Sees.

It is comforting to know that He who “guides us with His eye” sees tomorrow clearer than we see today! -David Bosch

This past month has been a month that required more than I could spiritually withstand. We are STILL in a waiting process for the adoption of 3 beautiful children. Two of my ‘women friends’ had their husbands commit adultery (only to hurt them more deeply) telling them, “I never really loved you.” My daughter just returned from a month long mission experience in Brazil. My younger daughter’s friend lost her mother after a 5-year war with stomach cancer. My husband had an emergency room visit with beginning staph from bug bites via Guyana. My sister has a mother-in-law in a spiral with cancer, congestive heart failure and now failing kidneys. Randy is an only child…so Tammy and Randy are the soul caregivers. Struggle can wear you down. Trouble can cause you to lose sleep. Anxiety can cripple your belief. Hurt can labor your breathing. Disease can damage your ability to love. Absence of a loved one can create imaginary monsters. And we, like Hagar, flee into the wilderness. We stand at desolate, lonely, foreign territory and we crumble under the opposition. We cannot bear the weight of the grief. We want to hide from the heartache. And an Angel of the Lord appears in our infirmity with a message of comfort. “We serve a God that sees everything!”

But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. –Psalm 33:18

Having asthma as a child frightened me. White coats, clip boards, stethoscopes, waiting rooms cause my knees to wobble. Difficult heartaches do not escape the Master’s skillful eye. He came and discovered all our ‘dirty little secrets.’ He sees our intimate laundry and He has great compassion for our situation. His eye misses no detail. Disease, adultery, foreign land, broken hearts are no match for His unfailing love. He carried it, He endured it, and He claimed it. He took it all upon Himself as the nails held all our despair. He does not remove opposition He conquers it in our lives. He is the beginning and the rear guard of our situation. He is our Sanity, our Clarity, and our Victor. Sometimes our cross comes in the form of lingering illness, demand for ongoing toil and discomfort, the overbearing anxiety of a loved one that does not know God. Our cross can come in unbearable waiting (like Hagar and Sarah) and how we respond to the stillness. Behind Sarah’s situation we see His provident permission in her decision making. Through all discipline of life we must believe that God has purpose and wisdom. What God permits is as much His will as what he appoints. The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8 He knows that through every detail is the potential to bring Him glory. If what we are going through did not have the potential to conform us to His likeness…He would not have permitted it to happen. His watchcare brings an adrenalin rush, a supernatural strength that pins the demons that choke and strangle our joy. His eye will never cease to keep us close. His unfathomable love is our GPS system home. He makes paralytic 54 year wobbly-knees steady under His Fatherly gaze. He keeps me close so He can steady me when I fall. My job is to get to His open arms…that are extended toward me. He coaxes my every tiny step and I am ever mindful that I am never alone. No matter our ‘ugly situation’ His eye is on our greater good…Heavenly Citizenship.

“How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God.” -Psalm- 139:17

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